i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
