this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hippo gnu deer
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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