You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
