did you get engaged???
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
