I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
