Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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