thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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