Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
