My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
