i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
