it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize