dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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