I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
