She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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