i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
