i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
