I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
