i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
