I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
