I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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