At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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