I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Farmville is her only friend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
