grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
