btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
