I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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