when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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