lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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