You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
