Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
