I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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