How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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