Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
