Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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