You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
