yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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