Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
