You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
