what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What drink are we having for lunch?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
