hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
