Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
organizing the empties. That sober.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
