I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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