Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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