White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
