Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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