I wish life had little blips of pornography
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
