your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
