I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
