just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
