I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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