I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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