I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
