OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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