you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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