is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
