Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
