Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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