Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
