So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
