you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
