Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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