You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
