Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
