it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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