Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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