Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
