it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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