Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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