btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize