I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
