A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
