Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize